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Hey there weekday warrior,

Today, we’re diving into Tesla’s Robotaxi rollout, a CPI print that could’ve been worse, and a ‘done’ trade deal with China. But first...

In the June 12, 2022 edition of The Water Coolest, we discussed May’s Consumer Price Index hitting an astronomical 8.6%. At the time, that was the highest print since the early ‘80s.

But in June, prices managed to set the bar even higher. Inflation finally maxed out at 9.1% in June ‘22. And as you’ll see below, J-Poww is still fighting the good fight against rising prices…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 24 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

Robotexas

“I am never going to financially recover from this.” - Austin, Texas’ tourism board

First, ATX had to deal with the Rainey Street Ripper…

And starting on June 22nd, it's going to have a fleet of Teslas roaming around town without a driver, just looking for their next victim.

According to an Elon tweetstorm, autonomous Teslas $TSLA ( ▲ 1.94% ) are coming to the streets of Austin on June 22nd.

Tesla’s robotaxi service will launch with between 10 and 20 driver-free Model Ys. And let’s hope that they don’t seek revenge on the human race for what the LA rioters did to their cousins (Waymo)…

So these things are safe, right?

Yes…?

Elon said that Tesla has been “super paranoid about safety.” So we’ve got that going for us. But he did remind everyone that these Model Ys aren’t any different from the ones you can buy right now…

That’s right, no mods (Dom Toretto would not approve this message). The AVs won’t be equipped with radar, and they definitely won’t have lidar technology, which is used by most competitors like Waymo and Zoox. You might recall that the only thing Elon hates more than lidar is birth control.

The same thing we do every night, Pinky: Try to take over the world!

This is all part of Elon’s master plan to transform Tesla into a robotics and AI company. And the pivot couldn’t come at a better time, given Tesla’s (and by that I mean Elon’s) recent woes. Sales have been on the (autonomous) struggle bus thanks to increased competition, an aging lineup, and Elon managing to piss off both sides of the aisle.

Sidenote: Can we all agree it will be a major win for Homo sapiens when the day comes that a Waymo, Tesla Robotaxi, and Zoox inevitably get into a 3 car pileup?

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+ Good news for all the parents who didn’t do a great job raising their kids. The eggs your delinquent offspring will take from the fridge to throw at your neighbor’s house just keep getting cheaper…

Egg prices did their part in bringing down CPI in May. Prices rose by just 0.1% last month, lower than the 0.2% expected by economists. Zooming out, the consumer price index jumped 2.4% year over year, which was in line with expectations.

And the “taRIfFs ARe gOiNg tO JaCk Up PrIcEs” crowd is punching air. To be fair, the White House hit pause on reciprocal tariffs for most countries through July. And, if and when they are enforced, the import taxes could take a few months to be reflected in the data.

As you might have expected, almost as soon as news dropped about a healthy CPI print, the Trump administration was calling for Mr. Too Late (J-Poww) to lower rates.

+ “Done.” - you, after some over-the-pants stuff POTUS

According to DJT, after two days of talks in London town, a US-China trade deal is ‘done.’

Trump said US tariffs on Chinese goods will be 55% (10% reciprocal + 25% pre-existing tariffs + 20% bonus tariffs until China gets its fentanyl export problem in check), while China’s tariffs on US goods would be just 10%.

Beijing’s reps also pinky promised to ship all those rare earth minerals Uncle Sam has been patiently waiting for. And the US will reverse its ban on Chinese students enrolling at America’s institutions of higher education, like the University of Phoenix.

+ Another day, another media company suing an AI startup for IP theft. This time, Disney $DIS ( ▼ 0.57% ) and Universal $CMCSA ( ▼ 0.74% ) have lawyered up to sue Midjourney, the AI image generator. Who is going to tell them about OpenAI’s new features?

The two big swingin media players claim MJ has illegally distributed copyrighted images of characters from Star Wars, Toy Story, and The Simpsons. Is nothing sacred anymore?

+ Meanwhile, in IPO land… another company just had a yuge debut. Voyage Technologies, which won the contract to replace the International Space Station, rose 82% on its first day of trading.

Chime be like: “I’ll have what she’s having.” The fintech priced its shares above the expected range ahead of its IPO later today. The fintech will raise $700M at an $11.6B valuation.

+ So let me get this straight… Shaq is the biggest loser in the FTX scandal? Most FTX brokerage customers will be paid back in full (thanks to bitcoin’s appreciation and other investments made by SBF & Co.). But the NBA legend just ponied up $1.8M to settle a lawsuit brought by FTX investors.

+ Not one, but two Shaq-related stories in one newsletter. Shares of Papa John’s $PZZA ( ▼ 0.42% ) soared on news that Apollo and Irth Capital approached the pizza chain, which really wishes it wasn’t named after a bigot, about a take-private deal.

+ US stocks “closed lower on Wednesday as traders weighed a preliminary U.S.-China trade agreement and new inflation data. The market’s recent run higher took a breather as major indexes ended the session near previous closing levels.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year yield “ticked lower on Wednesday after monthly inflation data came in cooler than expected and U.S. and Chinese officials agreed to a framework on trade. The Treasury Department also sold $39 billion of 10-year notes in the afternoon.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “rose more than 4% on Wednesday, to their highest in more than two months, after sources said the U.S. was preparing to evacuate its Iraqi embassy due to heightened security concerns in the Middle East.” (Reuters)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ Chewy reported in the AM

+ Oracle reported after hours

+ Target held its annual shareholder meeting

+ Consumer Price Index data for May was released

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Lovesac reports before the bell

+ Adobe and RH report after the bell

+ ADP, BlackRock, and Cardinal Health host Investor Day events

+ The producer price index report for May will be released

Yesterday, I asked, “What is the official alcoholic beverage of summer?”

16.7% of you said “Light Beers (but a different one from the rest of the year).”

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

• Gin & tonic: “I am at the age of where light beers just give me tummy aches and a lackluster buzz....which is a crazy sad age to be at.”

• Light Beers: “There is no greater summer drink than an ice cold Land Shark (corona on steroids)”

• Gin & tonic: “G&T got to keep malaria at bay.”

• Light Beers: “Bud Light Lime. Nothing beats this while on a boat in the middle of a lake with a killer playlist going in the background.”

• Gin & tonic: “Gin when it’s hot, bourbon when it’s not. ”

• Summer Shandy: “Summer shandy: the only reason 75% of Americans can say ‘Leinenkugel’ or ‘Narragansett’ (authors note: do NOT sleep on Del’s Shandy. Love that one so much.)”

• Transfusion: “Trannies work best in the summer and on the course but have to go sugar free cranberry with either diet gingy or an Olipop gingy!”

Here’s today’s question…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.