Hey there weekday warriors,

You guys might find this hard to believe, but big tech is having its way with the little guy.

Back in the year of our lord 2021, Apple launched a new “privacy” feature. Unfortunately, it makes it hard for people like me to tell who is actually opening emails.

In fact, the only way for me to tell if you’re actually reading is if you respond to an email or click on something.

So, IF YOU WANT TO KEEP RECEIVING THE WATER COOLEST, YOU NEED TO CLICK THE BUTTON BELOW…

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks closed “higher Thursday as a tech-led rally underpinned by Alphabet and AMD offset losses in energy stocks ahead of the monthly jobs report due Friday." (Investing.com)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “edged higher on Thursday as investors considered the state of the labor market and broader economy ahead of Friday’s all-important jobs report." (CNBC)

+ Oil "fell on Thursday to six-month lows, as investors worried about sluggish energy demand in the United States and China while output from the U.S. remains near record highs." (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin continues to hold the $43k level.

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) AMD +9.89% 2) Nvidia +2.40% 3) C3.ai -10.77%.

God mode

GameStop's investors are about to let Jesus Ryan Cohen take the wheel, whether they like it or not…

According to the fine print in the meme stonks most recent filing, GameStop cash can now be invested in pretty much anything, not just short-term debt. Think: non-GME stocks.

Oh, and CEO/Chairman Ryan Cohen gets to make all investment decisions. What could possibly go wrong?

Investors noticed the language in GME’s quarterly report that dropped on Wednesday. The same report which showed that the mall staple beat on the bottom line, and broke even on an adjusted basis. Ok, maybe he’s onto something…

Shares rose 10% on the news that Cohen will moonlight as a hedge fund manager… because, of course, GME investors saw this as bullish.

There are reasons to be concerned, of course…

Like Cohen’s sketchy trade history. Look no further than rug-pulling Bed Bath & Beyond investors.

The move appears to be Ryan’s next get-rich-quick scheme. You might recall he had promised to turn GameStop into an e-commerce giant that would rival Amazon when he took over. In his defense, he did build Chewy, which was an e-commerce juggernaut.

But he failed to make moves. In fact, he kinda just stopped talking about it after a while. And now he appears to be onto the next: getting his Warren Buffett on.

One analyst called the move “alarming.” And said that the company should use excess cash to buy its own shares before buying stock in other companies. They have a point.

🔥Tyler’s take… Ryan Cohen wants to be relevant so badly. This is a cry for help. It’s hard to watch at this point. If any of his friends are reading… it’s time for an intervention.

+ Taking this one extra step after a job interview can pay off—‘hardly anyone’ does it, says career coach (Read)

+ Mortgage rates are falling at the fastest pace since the 2008 housing-market crash (Read)

+ ICYMI yesterday... Barbara Corcoran reveals her ‘golden rule’ of real estate investing (Read)

+ Amazon is getting into the all-you-can-eat game. For just $9.99 a month (plus the $139 per year for your Prime membership) you can get unlimited grocery deliveries from Amazon Fresh and Whole Foods.

So, what’s the catch? Well, there’s a minimum order size. Luckily, a bottle of asparagus water and cronut will get you to $35 at Whole Foods. Oh, and the service is only available in a few markets for the time being. Huge W for Columbus, Ohio. (Read)

+ TIL people use Venmo for things other than paying their drug dealers and bookies (jk, if the IRS is reading)…

Amazon said that it will stop accepting Venmo as a form of payment. It didn’t offer any reason besides “recent changes” (read: because f*ck em, that’s why). The move comes just over a year after Amazon began accepting Venmo as a payment method. Meanwhile, I’m still over here trying to figure out how to use Venmo to pay Amazon in the first place… do they give me their phone number or one of those little QR codes?

Shares of PayPal, which owns Venmo, fell ~2% on the news… (Read)

+ Even the ultimate ticker symbol cheat code couldn’t save C3.ai from a piss-poor earnings report. $AI forecasted a thiccer than expected annual loss. The company expects a loss between $115M and $135M vs. $70M to $100M previously. Woof.

And C3.ai doesn’t like to point fingers, but… rising investments in AI, and longer sales cycles are to blame. Shares were down ~10% on the news. On the bright side, the stock is up more than 150% this year. (Read)

+ Investors have a fever, and the only prescription is more artificial intelligence injected directly into their veins…

Exhibit A: on Wednesday, AMD launched a previously announced chip (as in investors already knew it existed). And on Thursday, shares jumped nearly 10%. That’s AMD’s best day since May.

But wait, there’s more…

Shares of Google popped 5% on news that the company was dropping a large language model that was roughly on par with OpenAI’s GPT-3.5. Friendly reminder: the Sam Altman-led company is currently shipping GPT 4. (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ There’s only one thing that matters: the November non-farm payroll data

Yesterday I asked Who SHOULD have been TIME’s Person of the Year?

The two best answers: 1) Travis Kelce (because, you know, he’s sleeping with TIME’s POTY) 2) “the guy from ‘Jury Duty’”

Here’s today’s question…

Some big news from Amazon in the grocery delivery game. So…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of a God-fearing family man with sh*t-for-brains. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.