Hey there weekday warriors,

Do with this information what you please: apparently, you can ship pretty much anything back to retailers and they’ll accept it. Instead of returning the real product, bad actors are sending back fake goods, cheaper alternatives, or in some cases a box of bricks instead of a TV. Turns out, most retailers will send you a refund before they actually check the contents of the return. A study says this kind of scam cost retailers $100B last year.

Here’s what else we’re getting into today…

• Bitcoin ETF gets the green light (for real this time)

• More cuts at Amazon

• LeBron changes teams (again)

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 6 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “closed higher Wednesday, with investors awaiting the release of fresh U.S. inflation data and earnings.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield rose “as investors looked ahead to inflation data out Thursday and how it could affect interest rates and the overall economy." (CNBC)

+ Oil “fell nearly a dollar a barrel on Wednesday after a surprise jump in U.S. crude stockpiles raised worries about demand in the largest oil market.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin continued “to whipsaw even after the SEC approved all 11 spot Bitcoin ETF applications.” (Cointelegraph)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +2.28% 2) Marathon Digital -0.39% 3) Tesla -0.43%.

Oh my god. Okay, it’s happening. Everyone stay calm.

“We did it, Satoshi.” - Kamala Harris, probably

It’s official. The SEC has moved the goalposts. A Shortseller Enrichment Commission rule change will allow for the creation of spot Bitcoin ETFs.

“Wait, I thought that happened yesterday…” - you, probably

If you changed your profile pic to laser eyes and said “that’s enough internet for today” after the SEC “announced” the “approval” of Bitcoin ETFs on Tuesday afternoon, you might want to sit down…

A tweet from the official SECGov account around 4 PM EST on Tuesday indicated the OG crypto was about to get the ETF treatment.

But by 4:30 PM EST, SEC Chair Gary Gensler tweeted from his personal account that the SEC’s handle had been hacked and that the commission had not approved spot bitcoin ETFs. The last time the internet came this close to breaking Jersey Jerry was in pursuit of a hole in one…

Despite some initial confusion (the SEC site crashed), it appears that Wednesday’s decision is final.

So, now what?

Bitcoin ETFs will begin trading as soon as tomorrow. According to official SEC paperwork (which, to be fair, could be fake) 11 ETFs have gotten the green light.

That includes the Grayscale Bitcoin Trust which holds nearly $29B in crypto. The trust will transition (it is 2024, after all) from a trust to an Exchange-Traded Fund. Think: Jesus turning water into wine, but instead of Jesus it’s just Gary Gensler redlining some legal documents.

Ok, then what?

The f*ck if I know.

The mouth breathing, C*mCoin bag holder types will tell you that this will change everything. That ETF approval will have untold sums of institutional dollars flowing into the asset class. And that the lower fees and straight-forward nature of ETFs will make Bitcoin more appealing to retail investors.

They may have to wait until tomorrow to buy that Lambo, though. BTC was fairly volatile in the immediate aftermath of the announcement.

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* This is a sponsored post. The best way to support The Water Coolest is by showing our ad partners some love (think: clicking, taking a look around, etc.).

+ How to think about bitcoin ETFs and your portfolio (Read)

+ The ultimate guide to acing your interview and landing your dream job in 2024 (Read)

+ Are You Rich? Here's What Americans Think You Need To Be Considered Wealthy (Read)

+ ICYMI... Picking stocks is a ‘terrible idea’ for young investors, says expert—what to do instead (Read)

+ There is only one type of employee that’s safe at Amazon: fulfillment center workers… with large bladders.

On Tuesday, news broke that Amazon was laying off 500-ish Twitch employees. That’s ~35% of the streamers’ staff.

Then, yesterday, life imitated art this meme when Andy Jassy came for Amazon Prime Video and MGM Studios staffers. “Hundreds” of employees were let go across the two entertainment divisions.

They’ll join nearly 27k (but who’s counting?) other ex-Amazon employees who have already shared a cringey LinkedIn post that starts with “Today is bittersweet…” over the past year or so. And, no, I will not comment for reach.(Read)

+ Some are calling it the “Tiger leaving Nike” of the collectibles space (ok, it’s just me calling it that)…

LeBron is taking his talents to Fanatics. Bronny’s dad is leaving Upper Deck after more than 20 years. Despite putting literally everything else on social media (…even though no one asked him to) Bron didn’t make the details public. Those in the know believe the multi-year deal to sign some autographs and lend his likeness to trading cards could be worth more than $5M. (Read)

+ Long Island Iced Tea Corp. in 2017: *changes name to Long Blockchain Corp. amid crypto gold rush*

NFT Gaming Company in 2024: “Hold my beer.”

Today in “things you can’t make up”… NFT Gaming Company is changing its name to Gaxos.AI and its ticker symbol from “NFTG” to “GXAI.” And it appears that investors are getting smarter. Shares jumped 6% in premarket trading but ended the day down more than 10%. (Read)

+ Men will literally build chatbots for the GPT Store instead of going to therapy…

It’s official: OpenAI’s take on the App Store is live with more than 3M AI bots (2.9M of which are presumably the weird fetish variety).

And it’s about damn time. The launch has been delayed 3x since November. You’ll need ChatGPT Plus to submit a bot, but a rev share is expected to roll out “soon.” (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ All eyes will be on the Consumer Price Index (read: inflation)

Yesterday I asked Are you team Stanley, YETI, or something else entirely?

This isn’t exactly shocking given who reads TWC, but YETI won in a landslide.

Here’s today’s question…

LeBron switched teams (again) to Fanatics from Upper Deck…

When’s the last time you bought a trading card?

Reply directly to this email and I’ll share the results tomorrow.

Oh, and one more thing…

Did you check out today’s partner Percent?

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional