Hey there weekday warriors,

Today we’re getting into J-Poww’s visit to Capitol Hill. And dissecting Etsy’s pivot.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 16 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ “The S&P 500 and Nasdaq nabbed new record closes on Tuesday (and also each notched their sixth straight day of gains) as rate cut hopes remained intact after Federal Reserve chair Jerome Powell kicked off his semiannual update to Congress.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “rose Tuesday as investors digested comments from Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell." (CNBC)

+ Oil “eased more than 1% on Tuesday after traders learned that prolonged supply disruptions from Hurricane Beryl were unlikely after a U.S. oil-producing hub in Texas suffered less storm damage than feared.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin rose “nearly 3% to around $58,000 as fears after last week's breakdown allayed.” (Coindesk)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +2.4% 2) Tesla +3.7% 3) Intel +1.7%

The market moves you need to know about…

– Helen of Troy out here acting like Helen Keller. The company that owns consumer brands like Hydro Flask and Revlon (hair tools only, for some reason) collapsed 27.7% after reporting a brutal quarter and indicating it’s only going to get worse.

+ Hawaiian Airlines rose 6.0% on news that airline unions weren’t likely to stand in the way of a merger with Alaska Air.

– Fat losses. Shares of Novo Nordisk dropped 1.8% on news that Eli Lilly’s Mounjaro leads to faster and greater weight loss than Wegovy.

Talk dirty to us, Jay

The good news is we know Fed Chair Jay Powell can’t lie during his bi-annual testimony in front of the Senate Banking Committee (because, you know, it’s illegal and all).

Which made his comments even sweeter…

Jay said “… elevated inflation is not the only risk we face. Reducing policy restraint too late or too little could unduly weaken economic activity and employment.”

Live look at investors right now…

The Fed Chair’s commentary had one thing on investor’s minds: rate cuts.

Unsurprisingly, the S&P 500 closed at another record high…

+ Competition getting a little too tough? Just take a page out of Etsy’s (+2.9%) playbook and give up (but disguise it as “getting back to your roots”)…

Etsy is bringing back a focus on ‘human touch’ (sounds creepy). It’ll begin cracking down on the sale of mass-produced products offered by resellers on the platform. The #1 online seller of “Live Laugh Love” signs, will update its policies, include labels on its site and app sharing how a product was made (turns out “Made by kids in Asia” won’t cut it anymore), and launch a new marketing campaign showing it’s a changed man.

Why? Well, it wants to bow out of the pissing match that it’s currently engaged in with Amazon, Temu, Shein etc. You know, the race to the bottom that involves selling fidget spinners for 2 cents less than your competition. Etsy has become overrun with cheap goods, which means it needs to compete directly with the big swingin’ d*cks of e-commerce to stay relevant amongst consumers.

And it’s starting to show that it’s not up to the challenge. Sales dropped last quarter and the stock is down nearly 33% in 2024…

+ The good news is that UiPath (-6.9%) was probably able to automate its layoffs…

The robotic automation process software maker is slashing 10% of its workforce as it continues to deal with a major revenue slowdown following its massive IPO in 2021. Shares are down nearly 50% this year.

You might recall that UI’s CEO stepped down in June and was replaced by one of the company’s co-founders.

On the bright side, they’re only one rebrand (AiPath, anyone?) from a comeback…

+ 3 tips for using Google Flights to score cheaper airfare, from a travel expert. No, they do not just recommend flying Spirit 3 times.

+ ‘It’s ok to marry the house and date the rate’ and 6 more key pieces of real estate advice from Ryan Serhant. If I ever hear you use ‘marry the house, date the rate’ in a sentence, I reserve the right to punch you.

🔥 Millennial couple making $230,000 will ‘constantly feel poor’ unless they change their habits, says money expert. How come this type of article pops up like once a quarter?

⏪ Yesterday we were keeping an eye on J-Poww getting grilled by Senators. You can check out all the details in the feature above.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Samsung hosts its Galaxy Unpacked event in Paris. It’s kinda like an Apple launch event… but there’s actual innovation on display. Expect new foldables, smartwatches, and the Galaxy Ring smart ring.

+ Amazon holds an AWS Summit in NYC. I’m taking the over on the number of times AI is mentioned.

+ Day two of testifying for Jerome Powell. This time before the House Financial Services committee.

Yesterday I asked “You get to have lunch with one of the GOATs at the Sun Valley Conference, who are you picking?”

1. Bezos

2. Sam Altman

3. Tim Cook

You horn dogs. You’re just hoping Lauren Sanchez comes through.

Here’s today’s question…

Rumor has it that the McRib is coming back in the year of our lord 2024.

What they really mean when the job description says “fast-paced environment”…

We need a recession…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.