Today we’re dissecting a yuge earnings day (see: Tesla and Google).

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 10 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “slipped on Tuesday as investors weighed early reports on a marquee earnings day, with Big Tech results from Alphabet and Tesla in focus after hours.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield fell “from roughly two-week highs, as Harris collected enough support from delegates to clinch the Democratic nomination." (CNBC)

+ Oil “fell about 2% to a six-week low on Tuesday on rising expectations of a ceasefire in Gaza and growing concerns about demand in China.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “slipped on Tuesday as a weekend rebound ran dry amid growing uncertainty over the U.S. presidential race, with traders now awaiting an upcoming address by Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump. ” (Investing)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Tesla -2.0% // -7.7% after hours 2) Nvidia -0.7% 3) CrowdStrike +1.8%

The market moves you need to know about…

– UPS just had a record-breaking day… and I mean that in the worst way possible. Shares fell 12.0% after it missed the Street’s expectations and slashed guidance.

– GM beat on the top and bottom line and hiked guidance for several full-year metrics. Andddd shares still dropped 6.4% on the day. Something about investors not expecting the good times to last.

– The power of ‘The Office’ is undeniable. Peacock grew subscribers 38% year over year to 33M (or as Netflix likes to call it… “a rounding error”) but Comcast still managed to miss the Street’s top-line expectations. Shares tumbled 2.5% on the day.

It’s called creative accounting, look it up…

The good news is that Tesla’s (-2.0% // -7.7% after hours) revenue increased 2% year over year and beat expectations. The bad news? Automotive revenue fell 7%.

Oh, and $890M of that was from regulatory credit. Friendly reminder: investors like that government EV credit revenue about as much as they’re going to like Tesla’s $5B investment in Elon’s side hustle…

From bad to worse

Despite TSLA cutting ~10% of its workforce and beating estimates on deliveries, the EV maker missed the Street’s profit expectations. And it wasn’t particularly close.

So where’d Elon go wrong?

Elon was out here slinging discounts like they were child-support checks. As competition heats up (spoiler: Tesla is losing market share) and interest in EVs wanes, Elon has been forced to offer steep price cuts to move units.

The future is bright…

… just not for the EV biz.

Elon didn’t exactly have a quick fix for the current sh*tstorm, but he did offer an update on Robotaxis and Optimus.

He (officially) announced that the Robotaxi launch event would be moved to October. And had this to say when asked about a timeline for the first Full Self Driving taxi (like, real full self-driving): “I would be shocked if we cannot do it next year.”

As for Optimus… according to Lon Corleone, it should be available in 2026. Note: that is Elon math.

+ Just in case you were wondering why Google (+0.1% // -2.1% after hours) decided it wouldn’t kill off cookies after all…

The search giant just made $84.7B in the most recent quarter by following you around the internet, and jamming ads down your throat.

The company that took Google+ from us (people don’t forget) reported after the bell and did exactly what you’d expect it to do… beat on the top and bottom line. Search and cloud were the main drivers behind the solid quarter. How original.

GOOGL’s cloud biz topped $10B for the first time ever in the quarter. Meanwhile, YouTube missed expectations as it struggles with competition from the likes of TikTok.

+ Happy belated Ether ETF launch day to those who celebrate…

For everyone who ever thought, “I’d sure like to buy a crypto ETF, but I’d really like to invest in one without a mysterious founder and shady origins,” I’ve got great news. Now you can buy an ETF that holds a crypto created by a guy who looks exactly like the guy who you’d expect to launch a cryptocurrency.

A handful of ETH ETFs began trading on Tuesday AM, which seemed inevitable after the girthy inflows to Bitcoin ETFs earlier this year.

Ether was down on the day and hasn’t seen the same level of blind enthusiasm as BTC ahead of its ETF debut. That could be because Ether is already up 50% year to date…

+ Daniel Ek just copied Zuck’s homework, and he didn’t even bother to change any of the answers…

Ek has been getting his “year of efficiency” on at Spotify (+11.9%). And, unsurprisingly, hiking prices and laying off countless employees has done wonders for the bottom line.

The music streamer that made Pandora its b*tch, posted a record profit and shared thicc guidance driven by, initiatives like “getting Alex Cooper off of the books.” Shares mooned, despite top line and revenue growth simply meeting expectations.

Oh, and…

+ Apple likely to release foldable iPhone as early as 2026. Only 4 years too late…

+ Spotify CEO says consumers 'are really asking us' for a more expensive premium tier. Bro, no one said that…

+ Hack your Amazon shopping experience (they can’t stop you). Lauren Sanchez gonna be big mad when she finds out about this.

+ Investing experts: Lock in a guaranteed 5% return before the Fed slashes interest rates. Your chance to settle for mediocre returns is running out.

🔥Chick-fil-A falls off perch as No. 1 fast food restaurant in US. I call bullsh*t on this list.

🔥 The salary you need to be considered middle class in the 25 largest U.S. cities. Spoiler: don’t move to SF or NYC…

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ Yesterday, we were keeping an eye on Coca-Cola, Danaher, GE, Philip Morris, Comcast, UPS, Lockheed Martin, Spotify, and GM reporting before the bell and Google, Tesla, Visa, Texas Instruments, Capital One, and Cal-Maine Foods dropping earnings after the close.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Thermo Fisher, AT&T, Boston Scientific, Fiserv, and General Dynamics report before the bell

+ IBM, ServiceNow, KLA, Waste Management, Chipotle, and Ford drop earnings after the close

+ S&P drops its services and manufacturing PMI data

+ New home sales data

Yesterday, I asked, “Are you taking $1M in cash or a $5M Amazon gift card?”

$1M cash won with 70.9% of the vote.

Some of you showed your work…

Cash: "I'll buy $1MM worth of bitcoin and be laughing in a few years."

Cash: “Until my rent can be paid on Amazon I'm sticking with the cash”

Amazon gift card: “Would blow through that pretty fast though.”

Here’s today’s question…

+ “Yeah, I’m LinkedIn endorsed for holding business accessories”…

+ Pretty interesting chart on how the Big 4 sports in the US make their money (IG)

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.