TOGETHER WITH

Slow day yesterday, so I’ve got a shorter one for you (that’s what he said). But first...

In the June 17, 2018 edition of The Water Coolest, we covered the end of an era. After 111 years, GE, one of the original Dow components, was booted from the Dow Jones Industrial index. Its replacement? Walgreens…

You might recall that in 2024, Walgreens lost its spot to Amazon. Meanwhile, GE split into 3 separate publicly traded companies in early 2024… and all of them have mooned since going their separate ways.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 13 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

PS, loving The Water Coolest? Forward it to someone who studied something stupid in college instead of majoring in AI (see: Zuck’s $100M offers). If you CC me ([email protected]), I’ll send you both something special.

PPS, did someone with great taste forward this to you? Subscribe here.

This explosion footage out of the Middle East Texas is giving major Michael Bay vibes…

SpaceX is diversifying its “anomalies” (read: explosions).

This time, the Starship’s “catastrophic failure” occurred at a much lower altitude (read: on the ground). According to SpaceX, the rocket “experienced a major anomaly while on a test stand at Starbase.”

A show of hands for all those in favor of rebranding all of life’s major f*ck ups as “anomalies"?

Forgot to pick up the kids from school? A scheduling anomaly.

Accidentally send a picture of your genitals to your entire company? Simply explain to HR that this was some sort of technological anomaly.

But I digress…

No one was injured, unless you count the bruised ego of Elon.

Again?

You don’t have to be a billionaire who socializes at a 4th-grade level to recognize that a pattern is emerging. This is the fourth explosion of a SpaceX Starship… in 3 missions. The previous 3 Starship launches went the way of Waystar Royco’s rocket under the supervision of Roman.

This falls into the “Houston, we have a problem” category, considering Elon and SpaceX have hitched their proverbial space exploration wagon to the Starship. The massive spacecraft is expected to shuttle astronauts to the moon/remind every other country who their daddy is.

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+ Honestly, those $100M signing bonuses Zuck is dangling in front of some of the best and brightest in the AI field (read: virgins) don’t seem so batsh*t anymore…

The Jesse Eisenberg doppelgänger reportedly attempted to purchase Ilya Sutskever’s Safe Superintelligence for $32 billion earlier this year. If that name sounds familiar, it’s because Ilya’s a co-founder of OpenAI who famously had a falling out with Sam Altman about AI’s safety.

Ilya channeled his inner Logan Roy (read: told Zuck to “f*ck off). Little did he know, hell hath no fury like a Zuckerbot scorned. Instead, he just went and poached all of Safe Superintelligence’s top talent, not named Ilya Sutskever.

+ Your move, Elon…

Pavel Durov, the founder of Telegram, who had the sort of glow up Zuck and Bezos could only dream of, shared what he plans to do with his $17B fortune when the Russian government finally assassinates him he passes away of natural causes. And it appears his kids are going to love him a lot more than Warren Buffett and Bill Gates’ offspring.

He plans to split his billions amongst his 100+ children. That’s right, in addition to his 6 children made the old-fashioned way, Durov plans to bestow generational wealth on the 100 or so kiddos who were the products of some alone time. And I’m pretty sure this was the premise of a Vince Vaughn movie…

The Nick Cannon of Russia had this to say: “They are all my children and will all have the same rights! I don’t want them to tear each other apart after my death.”

+ Save some for the rest of us, Andy…

+ “Shut up and take my money.” - Home Depot

ICE’s favorite hunting ground is reportedly in a bidding war for GMS, a building products distributor. Its competition? Brad Jacobs, the absolute legend who built a ton of companies that have become household names, like Waste Management and United Rentals.

Jacobs’ QXO made an unsolicited $5B bid for GMS. Home Depot $HD ( ▲ 0.75% ), would love nothing more than to add to GMS to its growing “professional” biz that caters to the businesses that fix the projects weekend warriors f*ck up.

+ We can all breathe a sigh of relief knowing that WW3 will be broadcast live on TikTok. For the third time, POTUS has pushed back the sell-by date for Reels-but-make-it-Communist. TikTok will get an extra 90 days to find a seller, or risk being banned in the land of the free and the home of red dye #3.

+ US markets were closed for the Juneteenth holiday.

+ Oil “jumped almost 3% on Thursday as a week-old air war between Israel and Iran escalated and uncertainty about potential U.S. involvement kept investors on edge.” (Reuters)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ US markets were closed for Juneteenth

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Accenture, Kroger, and Darden Restaurants report before the bell

+ Happy triple witching day (read: the simultaneous expiration of stock options, stock index futures, and stock index options contracts)

+ After markets close, FTSE Russell will announce additions and deletions for the Russell indexes

Yesterday, I asked, “Would you rather be the Pope, the President of the United States, or the dictator of North Korea?”

56.2% of you said “POTUS.”

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

Here’s today’s question…

Oh, and one more thing…

Made in America & Sent from my BlackBerry Storm 2. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.

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