Hey there weekday warrior,
Today, we’re getting into just how close we are to Walmart and Amazon stablecoins, 23andMe has a new (old) owner, and flying cars. But first...
In the June 16, 2020 edition of The Water Coolest, I shared a podcast that would change the trajectory of this newsletter (and my life). Large invited me on Barstool’s Mind Your Business podcast to chat about the markets and how TWC was navigating the pandemic. That pod set off a series of events that ended with Barstool acquiring The Water Coolest in 2021. What a long, strange trip it has been…
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 17 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
Unstable
“Will you be paying with cash or fartcoin?” says the AI-powered humanoid Walmart cashier…
Rumor has it that Walmart $WMT ( ▲ 1.08% ), Amazon $AMZN ( ▼ 1.33% ), and a bunch of other retail and e-comm giants are considering issuing their own stablecoins, because, apparently they hate financial institutions more than a Human Condition and Collective Memory dual major (at NYU) with a septum piercing and an apartment in Williamsburg (… that’s paid for by their dad, who works at Point 72).
In case you only invest in gold bars from Costco… stablecoins are a form of cryptocurrency that’s backed by real money, like USD or Treasurys. To answer your next question… yes, this is basically a Walmart gift card.
In theory, stablecoins are safer than your average sh*tcoin, which is backed by the pinky promise of a 13-year-old in the Balkans.
If this all sounds familiar, that’s because Meta tried to make a stablecoin happen before lawmakers realized they can’t trust Zuck with rolling out a currency to 1/3 of the world’s population. RIP Libra.
Why would Walmart and Amazon roll out a stablecoin?
Because nothing would make them happier than being able to cut out traditional payment vendors. Looking at you, Visa and Mastercard.
You see, credit card companies charge retailers fat fees to process payments. Oh, and did I mention the Visas and Mastercards of the world tie retailers’ dollars up for days? So, not only would Walcoin save WMT (real) money, it would help free up billions of dollars days sooner. The CFO’s wet dream.
So you’re telling me there’s a chance?
Before you dismiss the Waltons’ stablecoin ambitions, keep in mind that they’ve got support in DC (as do most billionaires). The Genius Act (no relation to the tech desk at the Apple Store) is currently being considered by Congress. The act, which recently passed a procedural hurdle, would set up a regulatory framework for the dollar-backed cousin of CumCoin. That is, if it can make it through the House, Senate, and President…
Fact: free drinks with tiny little umbrellas just hit different
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+ Bah gawd that’s Anne Wojcicki’s music…
The founder and ex-CEO of 23andMe, Anne Wojcicki, just went all “I see your $256M and raise you $49M.”
Remember a few weeks ago when big pharma Regeneron $REGN ( ▼ 0.75% ) “bought” the DNA testing company out of bankruptcy for $256M? Welp, it appears the t’s weren’t crossed and the i’s weren’t dotted. Because the drugmaker got hit with a Woj bomb on Friday: 23andMe’s founder swooped in and bought back hundreds of thousands of gallons of bodily fluid that are rightfully hers for $305M.
In case you’re wondering why she didn’t just bid “$256,000,001, Bob,” it’s because she’ll be purchasing a bunch of assets Regeneron didn’t give a damn about, like the company’s telehealth subsidiary, Lemonaid.
+ To be fair, eVTOLs can’t be any less safe than Boeing jets…
The eVTOL lobby deserves a raise. Last week, POTUS signed an executive order creating a pilot (see what they did there?) program for electric vertical take-off and landing aircraft. As you might have guessed, the two publicly traded players in the space (Archer & Joby) benefited bigly.
That is, until Friday. Turns out, you gotta spend money to make money. Archer Aviation $ACHR ( ▼ 1.57% ) plummeted more than 15% on news that it had sold $850M worth of shares. It plans to build out infrastructure and an AI-powered aviation software with the proceeds.
+ Andy Jassy out here rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic…
As part of its latest attempt to stop the bleeding in its healthcare biz, Amazon $AMZN ( ▼ 1.33% ) is “restructuring” it into six “pillars.” And I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what they did with the Fire Phone before it went the way of Haven (people don’t forget…).
Amazon has struggled to make healthcare work… despite making some massive acquisitions, including PillPack for $750M in 2018 and One Medical for $3.9B in 2023.
Ok, now do Whole Foods…
+ One of the world’s biggest meat packers began trading on the NYSE on Friday after delisting from Brazil’s São Paulo Stock Exchange. Welcome to the big leagues. But unlike pretty much every other company to make a high-profile public debut recently, JBS fell on its first day of trading. Are you happy now, PETA?
+ Make debt your b*tch. There's a much easier way to pay down crippling debt faster, you guys. Spoiler: it's using a no-interest credit card. Some of the top credit card experts identified one of their favorites that puts interest on ice until nearly 2027 AND offers up to 5% cash back on qualifying purchases. Start paying down debt faster with this top pick. [FYI, this is a partner post]
+ US stocks “fell on Friday after Israel's attack on Iran and Iran's retaliation shook global markets, pushing oil prices to their highest level since January.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “rose on Friday in the wake of Israeli airstrikes on Iran that drove up energy prices and led to concern that inflation may move higher.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “jumped on Friday and settled 7% higher as Israel and Iran traded air strikes, feeding investor worries that the combat could widely disrupt oil exports from the Middle East.” (Reuters)
+ Bitcoin “prices fell on Friday as escalating tensions in the Middle East, following Israel’s large-scale airstrikes on Iranian nuclear and military facilities, triggered a broad flight from risk assets.” (Investing.com)
⏪ On Friday…
+ The University of Michigan consumer sentiment survey for June dropped
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ Lennar reports after the bell
+ Amazon will hold its AWS re:Inforce conference in Philadelphia
+ The Paris Air Show will begin. Oof. Brutal timing.
Yesterday, I asked, “Are you still on your parents' family plan?”
70.8% of you said “No.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
Yes: “Still on the till tag too. Kinda a don’t ask don’t tell situation”
No: “No, I’m Gen X we have always been taught to survive on our own.”
Yes: “We are grandfathered into $35/month (each, obviously) for unlimited everything on Verizon. I'll be on this plan forever.”
No: “No, but my 27 year old son is still on his grandparents cell phone plan! They all claim it’s a better deal for all of them! Boomers!!!!!”
Yes: “When my older sister turned 18, she got off my parents phone plan as rebellion or something? At 31, my parents are about to kick me off because they can get a senior discount.”
Here’s today’s question…
How was Father's Day celebrated in your house?
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.
Sent from my BlackBerry Storm 2. Please excuse any errors or typos.