Hey there weekday warriors,

Sure, you’ve probably had some bad ideas at work. But none will be worse than the guy at JUUL who suggested creating age-restricted menthol vape pods. The company applied for FDA authorization for the e-cig device this week.

Here’s what else we’re getting into…

• A huge merger in the media space is brewing

• RIP Bird

• Shocker: TikTok makes a f*ck ton of money

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 3 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

- tyler

+ US stocks “were lower after the close on Wednesday, as losses in the Consumer Goods, Utilities and Financials sectors led shares lower.” (Investing.com)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “on Wednesday hit its lowest level since July as traders assessed the path of future rate cuts from the Federal Reserve." (CNBC)

+ Oil "prices settled slightly higher after a choppy trading session on Wednesday as investors worried about global trade disruption and tensions in the Middle East following attacks on ships by Yemen's Iran-aligned Houthi forces in the Red Sea." (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “is back above $44,000 per coin after hitting that mark earlier in December for the first time since April 2022.” (Decrypt)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Visa -1.11% 2) Tesla -3.92% 3) Nvidia -3.01%.

Waramount Global Bros. Discovery

This is the biggest news in the media space since Waystar Royco made a play for Pierce…

Rumor has it that Warner Bros. Discovery and Paramount are discussing a merger.

How can we be so sure? Oh, I don’t know… maybe the meeting between Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav and Paramount Global CEO Bob Bakish at Paramount’s HQ in Time’s Square. Way to be subtle, you guys…

Set the stage…

In reality, Warner Bros. would likely be buying Paramount, given it’s about 3x the size ($29B vs. $10B). What’s less clear is if Warner Bros. would buy Paramount directly or if it would take out National Amusements, PARA’s parent company. Friendly reminder: National Amusements is controlled by the Redstone family, which makes the Roy clan look like a bunch of Boy Scouts.

A deal between the two would make sense…

Both companies are feeling the pressure from big tech and the likes of Netflix and Disney in the streaming game. Plus, they have their own internal issues. Paramount is sitting on a f*ck ton of debt. And Warner Bros. Discovery is dealing with the dumpster fire that is CNN and trying to make Max work. Oh, and it’s got plenty of debt itself.

Together, the streamers might have a fighting chance (but probably not, if we’re being totally honest). There is one bright spot: sports. Waramount Bros. Discoverner would become a major player in sports overnight, with both parties bringing TV rights to the table.

News broke just as the markets closed, sending shares of both middling media players down slightly.

+ Mark Cuban shares the No. 1 jargon word he hates the most: ‘You sound stupid ... trying to sound smart’ (Read)

+ Home sales rise in November, ending 5-month skid: ‘No doubt’ hit low point (Read)

+ Closing on a house: What to expect and how to prepare (Read)

+ Is the U.S. in a ‘silent depression?’ Economists weigh in on the viral TikTok theory (Read)

+ ICYMI yesterday... Middle-class Americans want to know more about how the wealthy make money. Here’s the answer (Read)

+ It’s a huge day for anyone who ever tripped over a Bird scooter lying in the middle of a sidewalk.

The e-scooter company that is the second-biggest bane of pretty much any municipality’s existence (drug-using homeless are #1, of course) has filed for bankruptcy. Demand collapsed for the glorified Razor scooters during the pandemic and failed to recover (probably because people started to realize how lame they looked while riding Birds).

The company went public via SPAC (so, there were signs) and it was pretty much all downhill from there. Bird is hoping to sell its remaining assets in the next 90 to 120 days, if you’re in the market for a bunch of e-scooters... (Read)

+ Haters will say it is Photoshop… but it appears that TikTok owner Bytedance has grown sales by ~30% to $110B during the year of our lord 2023. Bloomberg reported the numbers citing “sources” since the company is private and all. Oh, and we should probably take the number with a grain of salt considering Bytedance is Chinese-owned and the data is about as reliable as your intern the day after the holiday party. (Read)

+ Imagine a chipmaker in Q3 2023 disappointing investors. You can’t. That’s because it literally isn’t possible. Micron reported a beat on the top and bottom lines after the close yesterday. It also hiked its revenue expectations for the current quarter.

Technically, Micron doesn’t compete directly with Nvidia, but its high-bandwidth memory chips assist in training LLMs, making it an important player in the AI ecosystem. Shares rose more than 5% after hours, because obviously… (Read)

+ “If he dies, he dies.” - Jane Fraser

Citi isn’t just laying off individuals, it’s going scorched earth on entire groups that are underperforming. Fraser made Citigroup’s global distressed debt group redundant on Wednesday. The 40 or so employees will join the muni bond group staffers in avoiding conversations about work this holiday season. Shares were down a little more than 1.5% on the day. (Read)

Here's what I'm keeping an eye on today...

+ CarMax, Paychex, Carnival, and Nike report

+ ARK holds its December market update

Yesterday, I asked What’s the douchiest car someone can drive?

1. Mercedes G-Wagon

2. Tesla Cybertruck

3. Hummer (specifically the electric one)

4. Smart Car

Here’s today’s question…

“Cohort” tops Mark Cuban’s list of most-hated buzzwords. So…

What’s the worst business buzzword in the game?

Reply directly to this email. I’ll share the best answers tomorrow.

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of a God-fearing family man with sh*t-for-brains. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.