Hey there weekday warriors,

Happy election day. And good luck out there. Sh*t could get weird here in the US.

As a heads-up, I have no intention of providing any election coverage (other than how it impacts markets). You’ll be getting plenty of politics elsewhere. I promise.

And one more thing before we get into it…

If you think you’ve got what it takes to be a part of The Water Coolest’s content team, you should apply for a part-time writing position (or check out the full job description).

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 50 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

+ US stocks “stumbled on Monday as investors geared up for the U.S. presidential election and a potential Federal Reserve rate cut later this week.” (CNBC)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield was “lower on Monday as investors braced for a busy week that will see voters head to the polls for the U.S. presidential election and the Federal Reserve’s next interest rate decision.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “climbed nearly 3% on Monday on OPEC+'s decision for a month's delay in plans to increase output, while investors also focused on the U.S. presidential election.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “rose slightly on Monday, steadying after a failed push towards record highs saw the cryptocurrency nursing steep losses over the weekend.” (Investing)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Trump Media +12.3% 2) Palantir -1.2% // +13.6% after hours 3) Nvidia +0.4%

The market moves you need to know about…

– RIP Marqeta. The credit card issuing platform got its d*ck kicked in after reporting an earnings miss and sharing disappointing guidance. Shares fell 31.7% after hours. Woof.

+ It appears that all those Joe Rogan ads are paying off. Freshpet, the makers of, well, fresh pet food, just hit a three-year high after reporting a huge quarter and hiking guidance. The stock rose 12.6% on the day.

Weapons-grade AI

“We absolutely eviscerated this quarter.” - Palantir (-1.2% // +13.6% after hours) CEO Alex Karp (seriously, he said that)

All in favor of Fortune 500 CEOs talking like Duke lacrosse players during earnings calls? *raises hand*

AK wasn’t lying, of course. The software maker that uses AI to eliminate foreign adversaries grew revenue by 30% on its way to an easy top and bottom line beat.

And Karp expects demand to remain elevated. The SaaS provider servicing the military-industrial complex hiked its revenue guidance for the year. Turns out, geopolitical sh*tstorms are so hot right now.

USA! USA! USA!

As you might have expected, Palantir attributed its success to the tremendous demand for artificial intelligence from the US government. Uncle Sam has a fever, and the only prescription is more weapons-grade artificial intelligence.

Karp had this to say about his favorite customer: “It is the speed with which institutions in the United States, in particular, have adopted our platforms and artificial intelligence capabilities more broadly that has been, and we believe will continue to be, the driver of our growth. As America once again forges ahead, our allies and partners in Europe are being left behind.”

Is it safe to assume that the client logo slide in Palantir’s sales deck is just an American flag?

+ “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought this was America.” - Randy Marsh Jeff Bezos

The fun police at the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission are getting their FTC on. The US nuclear regulators rejected a request to increase the amount of power produced by a nuclear plant that would keep the lights on at one of Amazon’s (-1.0%) AI data centers.

Amazon had bought the data center from Talen Energy for $650M earlier this year. Have no fear, the company that can’t combat fake 5-star reviews on Amazon.com is not running the power plant itself.

Talen’s (-2.2%) stock tumbled on the news. And other power producers plummeted after investors had the chance to digest the implications.

This is a major setback for big tech and big power, given the insatiable appetite AI has created for nuclear energy.

+ Listen, we should never jump to conclusions and assume that a male CEO was abruptly fired because he put his d*ck somewhere it wasn’t supposed to be…

There are plenty of other reasons a Chief Executive could have lost his job. Like ill-fated acquisitions and setting nearly 50% of his company’s market cap on fire… amirite Rick Dreiling?

The CEO of Dollar Tree (+0.3% // +5.5% after hours) said he’s stepping down for “personal reasons” (ok, so maybe he was dipping his pen in the company ink…). Shares popped more than 5% after hours… which tells you all you need to know.

+ The Water Coolest would never…

The New York Times (-7.7%) fell nearly 8% after reporting it added fewer digital subscribers than expected. Friendly reminder: there were some pretty big political storylines this quarter that should have driven subs.

But that might not have even been the worst news NYT management got yesterday. The Time’s tech union went on strike, demanding higher pay and more remote work flexibility. Hopefully, none of the Times reporters have IT issues today.

+ “It’d be a lot cooler if you did…” - Sam Altman to the State of California

Sam Altman is begging California to let him transition. OpenAI has reportedly opened conversations with the state about converting to a for-profit. Sam faces some major hurdles, like, how the hell will its IP be valued when it completes its full heel turn?

+ Some Final Personal-Finance Advice From Jonathan Clements (The former Wall Street Journal columnist faces a terminal cancer diagnosis the only way he knows how—with practical suggestions about family finances). This is worth a read.

+ More homeowners just started pulling cash out of their properties. Here’s why. Probably so they could invest more money in Nvidia.

🔥 IRS announces 401(k) contribution limits for 2025

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ Yesterday, Zoetis, Marriott, and New York Times reported before the bell. And Palantir, Realty Income, Hims, and NXP Semiconductor dropped earnings yesterday after the close.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Ferrari, DuPont, Apollo, and GlobalFoundries report this morning

+ Super Micro Computer, Coupang, and Trivago drop earnings after the close

+ It’s election day in the US. Expect the unexpected…

Yesterday, I asked, “Is November 1st the unofficial kickoff of "the holiday season?”

78.1% of you don't think the holidays start on November 1st.

So when do they start? "With Thanksgiving/Black Friday/Cyber Monday"

Here’s what some of you guys had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

• No: "Somebody should tell Target since they're already blasting the Christmas tunes."

• Yes: "Giving the answer under duress as my wife is standing right beside me” Blink twice if you're in danger.

• Yes: "It’s been Christmas at Costco for at least a month already. Nov 1st is reasonable."

• No: "Take your Mariah Carey music and peppermint lattes and stick them up your...... Until black Friday."

• No: "Apparently so. My crappy local mall had “Santa’s North Pole” all set up the goddamned day after Halloween. FWIW, they could set it up in May and that mall would STILL be a sh*tty place for holiday shopping."

And here’s today’s question…

F*ck it. We’re all adults here…

🔥 I’ve never seen crypto explained more perfectly…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.