TOGETHER WITH

Hey there weekday warrior,

It’s already been a long week.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 14 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

Exemptions… not

Late Friday, it looked like Donnie Duties had bailed out Best Buy (a coup for people who refuse to buy things over $250 on the internet)…

According to a notice from US Customs and Border Protection (read: the government agency that enforces tariffs), the White House exempted a bunch of tech products from the massive tariffs it had imposed on China (they would still have had to pony up the 20% OG ‘riffs).

The list included pretty much anything the Mag 7 make. Think: smartphones, computers, and semiconductors. Also on the exemption list were TVs, flash drives, and solar cells (great news for those insufferable door-to-door solar panel salespeople).

And the last time tech CEOs were this happy was when they had run into Bryan Johnson at Burning Man. You see, Big Tech had watched billions of dollars of market cap evaporate post-Liberation Day. Apple alone has lost nearly $650B in value since the tariffs went into effect…

He said, he said

But before AAPL could even moon on the news (and make Warren Buffett look like a dipsh*t), members of Trump’s inner circle raised concerns about the staying power of the exemptions.

Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick said on Sunday, “So this is not like a permanent sort of exemption.” And the use of “like” and “sort” in the same sentence just scream “f*ck if I know.”

Peter Navarro cleared things up with this dagger: “no exemptions, no exclusions.”

Oh no, we suck again

And just in case it wasn’t abundantly clear that Big Tech should not pass go and should not collect $200, POTUS took to Truth Social to clarify, “There was no tariff ‘exception’ announced on Friday.”

On Saturday, Trump said we would get clarification on Monday, but… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Keep your head on a swivel this week, kings and queens.

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+ “What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck… and I forget how the rest goes, but your mother is a wh*re.” - Sony to Paramount during ‘Jeopardy!’ negotiations

A CA judge just ruled that Sony $SONY ( ▼ 0.6% ) will take over distribution rights to “Jeopardy!” and its slightly more middle-American brother, “Wheel of Fortune,” from CBS (and parent co. Paramount $PARA ( ▲ 2.63% ) ). The ruling gives Sony the immediate rights to (re)distribute the game shows that your grandma has to watch every evening because you never call her. Spoiler: CBS will be appealing, so this is far from over.

What’s Sony’s beef with CBS? The maker of the 2nd best gaming console (suck it, PS5 betas) claims CBS was treating its shows like a freewheeling discount pimp (read: licensing it for rates below market value). The two have been tied up in court over the rights to the show’s 7M daily viewers. But now Sony can go make a deal with a network that people below 65 will watch. Looking at you, Netflix.

+ A tradition unlike any other…

Big banks kicked off earnings season on Friday. And we better enjoy it, because it’s the last quarter before companies begin blaming their piss poor performance on “tariffs.”

JPMorgan $JPM ( ▼ 0.45% ), Morgan Stanley $MS ( ▲ 0.36% ), and Wells Fargo $WFC ( ▲ 0.24% ) all reported better than expected earnings. But the only thing anyone really cared about was what the Wall Street fat cats had to say about tariffs and the “r-word.” And by that, I mean Jamie Dimon.

As expected (and in line with his previous remarks), JD went full Buzz Killington: “The economy is facing considerable turbulence (including geopolitics), with the potential positives of tax reform and deregulation and the potential negatives of tariffs and 'trade wars,' ongoing sticky inflation, high fiscal deficits and still rather high asset prices and volatility.”

He also said that we should expect a bloodbath when it comes to S&P 500 guidance this earnings season.

+ March PPI fell 0.4%, which is a BFD, considering the smartest guys in the room were expecting a 0.2% increase. That’s the first drop in nearly 1.5 years, and it’s mostly thanks to gas prices plummeting 11.1%. Along with the favorable CPI print from earlier in the week, the Street is expecting a rate cut in June…

+ Luigi Mangione’s lawyer asked a federal judge to block USAG Pam Bondi from seeking the death penalty if he is convicted…

Speaking of UnitedHealth $UNH ( ▼ 1.32% ) … the world’s least popular health insurer is going after medical practices that owe it money like it’s Furio Giunta. Friendly reminder: UNH launched a “funding assistance program” (read: no interest loans) to help medical practices affected by its cyberattack last year.

+ A.1. Sauce pulled a Monday’s Light marketing stunt after Secretary of Education Linda McMahon revealed she has no f*cking idea what artificial intelligence is. During a speaking engagement, she kept referring to AI as “A1.” Go easy on her, she’s taken folding chairs to the head. New bottles say, “For education purposes only” since “Every school should have access to A.1.” Well played.  

+ US stocks “turned higher on Friday to cap a chaotic week on Wall Street, as investors weighed the latest tariff-related developments in the trade war between the US and China.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “climbed higher Friday, adding to its steep weekly rise, as dizzying trade moves by President Donald Trump caused investors to dump U.S. assets in favor of other global safe havens.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “climbed more than $1 on Friday after U.S. Energy Secretary Chris Wright said the United States could end Iran's oil exports as part of an effort to bring the Islamic Republic to terms over its nuclear program.” (Reuters)

⏪ Yesterday…

+ JP Morgan, Blackrock, Morgan Stanley, Wells Fargo, Bank of New York, and Fastenal dropped earnings before the bell

+ The Producer Price Index report for March was released

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Goldman reports before the bell

+ Applied Digital reports after hours

Shoutout to everyone who replied to Friday’s email with “SNACC.” It’s not too late for anyone who didn’t yet…

Here’s today’s question…

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.

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Advertiser Disclosure

This is a paid advertisement for Boxabl’s Regulation A offering. Please read the offering circular here. This is a message from Boxabl.

*Reserving a Nasdaq ticker does not guarantee a future listing on Nasdaq or indicate that BOXABL meets any of Nasdaq's listing criteria to do so.