TOGETHER WITH

Today, we’re getting Linda Yaccarino’s X exit, Perplexity’s new browser, and Goldman’s new “retention strategy.” But first...

In the July 10, 2022 edition of The Water Coolest, we covered Elon trying to pull out (something he’s not particularly good at) of the Twitter acquisition he committed to months earlier.

After offering to buy Twitter for $44B in early ‘22 (and Twitter accepting his offer), Elon had some big swingin’ buyer’s remorse. His lawyers argued that the microblogging site failed to provide Elon with the data needed to prove Twitter wasn’t filled with bots and deepfakes. Turns out the concerns were valid.

ICYMI, Elon’s attempts to weasel his way out of the deal went about as well as the Tesla Robotaxi rollout in Austin. And in October of the year of our lord 2022, he became the proud owner of the platform…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 25 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

PS, loving The Water Coolest? Forward it to someone who still uses Internet Explorer. If you CC me ([email protected]), I’ll send you both something.

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“F*ck you, f*ck you, f*ck you, you're cool, and f*ck you, I'm out!” - Linda Yaccarino, presumably

The Linda Yaccarino era is officially over at Twitter. And honestly, Linda lasted a lot longer as Elon’s CEO than pretty much everyone expected. So, congratulations, I guess…?

In addition to being remembered for taking arguably the worst job of all time, Linda’s highlights include defending Elon’s crazy a** publicly, laying the foundation of the “everything app”… and defending Elon’s crazy a** publicly.

Why’s she stepping down?

Well, it’s probably just a coincidence that the day before her departure, xAI’s Grok went rogue. And by rogue, I mean it got super antisemitic, and said some really f*cked up things about the Texas floods.

You might recall that xAI and X actually merged in March…

But according to sources, the changing of the guard was in the works prior to Grok going all Edward Norton in American History X.

So why’d she actually leave?

It’s not entirely clear. She didn’t offer up any clues in her post announcing the move. But Elon did thank her for her service, so it appears the two are on good terms… for now.

Who will replace her?

No word on who will replace her, but all the hosts of the All In podcast are waxed, bleached, and down to f*ck.

Obviously, Elon is the current favorite, much to the chagrin of Tesla shareholders everywhere.

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👋 Tell them I said whatsup when (not if) you book your free call. These guys are awesome to work with. And even if they weren’t, just imagine what you’re going to do with all that extra $$$…

+ Me, feeling like I’m doing something illegal: *Googles ‘download Perplexity browser’ on Chrome*

Perplexity is launching its own browser, called Comet, to compete directly with Chrome. And everyone is asking the same thing: “It has incognito mode, right? Asking for a friend.”

The move kinda makes sense. Right now, most Perplexity users are accessing the AI search engine on Google $GOOG ( ▲ 0.37% ) Chrome, Apple $AAPL ( ▲ 0.5% ) Safari, or whatever Microsoft’s $MSFT ( ▼ 0.04% ) sorry excuse of a browser is now. You might recall that all three of those companies have their own AI products and browser integrations. Ok, well maybe not Apple…

Presumably in hopes of securing as little market share as possible, the Safari killer will roll out to Perplexity’s paying subscribers only for the time being.

+ “On God, fr.” - Goldman'‘s Gen Z analysts

Goldman $GS ( ▲ 0.9% ) is forcing its analysts to pledge allegiance to the bank every 3 months. The firm wants its best and brightest to confirm quarterly that they’re not entertaining offers from PE shops that begin trying to poach them during or even before their employment begins. These young pros ain’t loyal…

+ Listen, it’s probably not a coincidence that Nvidia hit a $4T market cap less than a year after CEO Jensen Huang was pictured signing the breasticles of a female fan. NVDA was the first company in the history of the world to hit a $4T valuation during intraday trading.

+ RFK Jr. would like a word. The maker of Ferrero Rocher (you know, the candy that has a stranglehold on making poor and middle-class people feel like they’ve made it) is thisss close to buying WK Kellogg $KLG ( ▲ 0.35% ). The $3B offer for the Froot Loops maker sent shares up more than 50%.

+ Laos be like ‘hey, it could be worse…’

Donny Duties threatened Brazil with 50% tariffs starting August 1 in a strongly worded letter. That’s the highest of the tariff decisions handed down this week to a seemingly random list of nations. This was personal, though. In his note, which could have been an email, #47 cited the trial of former Brazilian President Bolsonaro and the country’s contentious relationship with big tech for the thicc levy.

+ US stocks “rose on Wednesday as Nvidia (NVDA) shares jumped to a fresh all-time high, with the AI chip maker becoming the first company to ever cross a $4 trillion market cap.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yields “were lower on Wednesday after most Federal Reserve officials indicated they see rate cuts coming.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “prices were steady on Wednesday as investors weighed strong U.S. gasoline demand data and attacks on shipping in the Red Sea, while U.S. copper tariffs loomed.” (Reuters)

+ The “smart” money thinks there’s an 8% chance this July will be the hottest ever recorded (Kalshi) [Going to start sharing some interesting prediction market trades daily… let me know if you want to keep seeing it]

⏪ Yesterday…

+ Samsung will hold its Galaxy Unpacked event

+ Tyson Foods will hold its annual Tyson Foods Demo Day event in Springdale, Arkansas. Think John R. Tyson is allowed at post-demo day happy hour?

+ The Federal Reserve will release the minutes from its last meeting.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Delta Airlines reports before the bell

+ Levi’s and Vista Oil Gas report after the bell

Yesterday, I asked, “You can get one totally free (unlimited) for the rest of your life. You can't consume the others. Which are you taking?”

45.3% of you said “Wendy’s.”

Here’s what some of you guys had to say…

Here’s today’s question…

Let’s assume pay is the same for all 3 jobs ($400k)…

Wait, what?

Oh, and one more thing…

Sent from my Amazon Fire Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.