TOGETHER WITH

Hey there weekday warrior,

Ok, now TikTok is just being dramatic…

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 9 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

You will never get this

TikTok about to go all “Shut it down” on Sunday (… reportedly).

Rumor has it that instead of letting its app die a slow death, ByteDance is ready to rug-pull US TikTok users.

In case you’ve been spending all your time on Duolingo trying to learn Mandarin, here’s where TikTok vs the US stands…

Currently, the Supreme Court is considering whether it should uphold the law that would ban TikTok on January 19th if the company hasn’t sold itself by then. It’s unclear when SCOTUS will get around to making their decision. But given the average age of the court, the justices are probably still asking their adult children for help to download the app.

TikTok has made its stance clear, though

Reports from a snitch (read: someone who is about to get Jack Ma’d) indicate the Chinese-controlled social media app would rather make itself redundant immediately than die a slow, painful death. Beginning Sunday, users trying to access the app will be forwarded to a website presumably throwing shade at the US government/featuring videos of crying TikTokers with Sarah McLachlan music playing (you know the song I’m talking about).

The ban, as proposed by the US law, would prohibit downloads and updates, meaning current users would, in theory, still have access. But the app would slowly degrade over time. TikTok went all “hard pass” and will forgo the grace period… presumably because without patches and updates, hiding all that spyware could become a real headache.

What’s next?

Welp, there are a handful of suitors willing to take TikTok off of Bytedance’s hands. Like a consortium including Mr. Wonderful from Shark Tank… in which case, I wouldn’t blame China for preferring the app just die. Elon’s name has also been floated, as the preferred landing spot of Beijing, because of course.

It’s going to take a Scrooge McDuck pile of money to get Bytedance to (potentially) part ways with its algorithm. CFRA estimates it could fetch upwards of $50B.

Of course, the real losers are the TikTok influencers making six figures (monthly) slinging collagen-infused lion’s mane tea on the app. Many of them are reportedly seeking alternative options… like OnlyFans REDnote. Privacy experts are losing their collective mind that TikTok refugees are downloading the Chinese competitor. It is, somehow, even less safe than TikTok…

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+ Too big to fail, just big enough to rip…

Big banks posted Q4 earnings Wednesday, and, everyone’s getting an 8:30 at Dorsia. Goldman Sachs (+6.02%), Citigroup (+6.4%), JPMorgan Chase (+1.9%), and Wells Fargo (+6.6%) did what they do best (read: make bank). The 3 institutions of finance, and Wells, all crushed bottom-line expectations. Occupy Wall Street is down tremendous.

+ Professional short seller Hindenburg Research is going the way of Dr. Michael Burry, MD (read: calling it quits). That can mean only one thing… bulls are right and markets only ever go up. Founder Nate Anderson says the firm completed the last of its pipeline projects after a long history of calling bullsh*t companies. 

And honestly, we may need to pour one out for the homie… because, credit where credit is due, Hindenburg had a knack for making it rain by trashing publishing research on companies that it shorted (most recently Carvana (+9.6%)). Farewell, Regina George of capital markets. We’ll miss your corporate Burn Book.

+ “I can fix her…” - J-Poww looking at the US economy

Inflation data for December dropped yesterday. The straight-up, missionary Consumer Price Index rose 0.4% month over month, and 2.9% vs. last year. The monthly figure came in slightly above expectations, while the annual figure matched economists’ guesstimates.

On the bright side, core inflation figures (read: what the Fed is most likely to look at… even though they prefer another inflation measure more), actually beat expectations. Spoiler: this is why markets ripped.

+ Hear me out… make everything blue, it has the most anti-oxygens…

RIP Red No. 3. The FDA is officially killing the food coloring. Turns out the synthetic dye that gave life to our childhood cereals and gummy vitamins also gave cancer to lab rats. No. 3 has been approved since 1907, when men were men and petroleum-based compounds made food taste great. Food manufacturers have until 2027 to invent a new gross way to make things red, which is probably just enough time to sell the last of their current inventory of poison to consumers.

+ 7 Types of Homes Expected To Soar in Value by the End of 2025. I’ve got bad news if you live in a house where an ax murder occurred…

🔥 Airbnb CEO says the best bosses can be mistaken for micromanagers: ‘Great leadership is presence, not absence’. Tell me you’re a micromanager without telling me…

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

+ US stocks “ripped higher on Wednesday as high hopes for bank earnings paid off and a crucial consumer inflation update showed key prices increased less than expected in December.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year yield “dropped Wednesday morning as investors parsed key inflation data.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “prices rose more than 2% on Wednesday, supported by a large draw in U.S. crude stockpiles and potential supply disruptions caused by new U.S. sanctions on Russia, while a Gaza ceasefire deal limited gains.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin “climbed back above $100,000 on Wednesday, rising on fresh inflation data that lifted stocks and regulatory news seen as bullish for cryptocurrency.” (Investopedia)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +3.4% 2) Tesla +8.04 3) Trump Media & Technology Group +3.7%

⏪ Yesterday we got earnings from JPMorgan, Goldman, BlackRock, Citi, and Wells Fargo, plus December CPI data.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Earnings season continues with Taiwan Semi, UnitedHealth, Bank of America, Morgan Stanley, and US Bank

+ December retail sales drop

Yesterday, I asked, “You can only save one alcohol category. The rest disappear from earth forever. Which are you keeping?”

Beer eked out a W over Spirits. Sucks to suck, wine.

Here’s what some of you had to say (and my thoughts in italics)…

• Spirits: “Spirits by a hair, but losing garage/shop beers forever would be tough.” That's a top 3 beer.

• Wine: “Knew I would be in the minority on this one, but I sell way more wine than I do the rest of this juice. Gonna sell the $£iT out of it all year and then some.”

• Spirits: "What's a vacation without a tiki drink? A steakhouse without a Martini? A speakeasy without a Manhattan? That would be a dark, dark world."

• Wine: “It has the greatest variety, is a social drink and always the best drink to enjoy a meal with.”

• Spirits: “As long as Alissa Gordon Heinerscheid helps me with the marketing” Deep cut alert.

• Spirits: "It's like you asked me to choose which child I like more... ”

• Beer: "I feel like this will be the closest poll ever.” You are correct.

• Wine: “Jesus didn't turn water into bourbon...”

And here’s today’s question…

Having a debate with some friends. Please help me settle…

+ Do things that don’t scale, you guys…

+ Imagine logging into LinkedIn and seeing your wife put you on blast

+ This is a Financial Times article… not The Onion

Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.

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