Hey there weekday warriors,

Zuck just did what he does best: steal your data print money.

Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 8 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.

Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,

– tyler

+ US stocks “rallied on Wednesday as investors digested the Federal Reserve's latest decision to hold interest rates steady and a tech revival sent the Nasdaq surging.” (Yahoo! Finance)

+ The 10-year Treasury yield “fell Wednesday after Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell hinted at a potential rate cut in September.” (CNBC)

+ Oil “rose sharply Wednesday as rising tensions in the Middle East increased the potential for major disruptions to global supplies and a larger decline in U.S. crude inventories continued to point to improving demand.” (Reuters)

+ Bitcoin fell “after Mt. Gox, the defunct Japanese exchange, unloaded another $2 billion of tokens late Tuesday, inching closer to finishing its $9 billion asset distribution that has been a major source of worry for investors.“ (Coindesk)

+ The three most talked about stocks on WallStreetBets in the past 24 hours were: 1) Nvidia +12.8% 2) AMD +4.3% 3) Microsoft -1.0%

The market moves you need to know about…

– Tough crowd. Despite beating the Street’s expectation, reminding investors how important its chips will be for the AI smartphone revolution, and offering up strong guidance, shares of Qualcomm fell 1.2% after hours. To be fair, the stock was up more than 8% during trading.

– Speaking of chip stocks having worse days than you… Arm got buried after reporting an earnings beat, but sharing disappointing guidance. Shares dropped 10.5% on the day…

+ Shares of ON (think: shoes not semis) jumped 6.7% after the Roger Federer-backed sneaker maker unveiled glorified 3D printed shoe tech called LightSpray. Ok, it’s kinda cool…

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Down to Zuck

Despite Threads’ best efforts, Meta remains unstoppable…

It appears that the new Zuck (the one that dresses like an NFT investor in 2021) is just like the old Zuck (leader of the lizard people). Meta (+2.5% // +7.1% after hours) beat easily on the top and bottom lines.

Honestly, the only thing the haters (read: me) could point to was the OG social media platform simply meeting expectations for daily active users. Of course, it’s a lot harder to throw shade when that number is more than 1/3 of the world’s population (3.27B daily active people).

Even its guidance was better than what the Street was predicting. Turns out the ad market hasn’t slowed down even a little bit for Zuck and Co. Thanks, Temu.

Putting the Mark in market leader

I bet Zuck feels pretty stupid right now that he renamed Facebook Meta, and not something like Faicebook…

Why? Well, for starters, his metaverse bet (the “Reality Labs” line of biz), lost $4.5B in cash in the most recent quarter.

Oh, and Mark casually dropped during the company earnings call that “Meta AI is on track to be the most used AI assistant in the world by the end of the year.”

FFS, according to Zuckerbot, Meta’s even seeing good traction with its Ray-Ban AI glasses…

+ J-Poww just went all ‘we’re not, NOT going to cut in September…’

The Fed didn’t cut rates yesterday… but Jerome Powell did indicate that “a reduction in our policy rate could be on the table as soon as the next meeting in September.”

That’s because according to the Fed chief, “the risks to achieving its employment and inflation goals continue to move into better balance.” Translation? J-Poww has liked what he’s seen from inflation and employment data as of late.

“So you’re telling me there’s a chance?” - everyone with a Robinhood account

Investors loved what they heard. The major US indices were up big on the day.

+ “Just when I thought I was out...they pull me back in." - Robert “Kelly” Ortberg, Boeing’s heir apparent

Robert Ortberg has been picked to succeed Dave Calhoun as CEO of Boeing (+2.0%). Poor b*stard.

Robbie Aerospace was previously CEO at Rockwell Collins. He retired in 2021. So, this dude really came out of retirement to inherit a dumpster fire lit by Dave Calhoun (if BA’s record is any indication, the dumpster’s probably not structurally sound).

+ Perhaps Bill Ackman should have spent less time in the comment section and more time on the roadshow…

Ackman’s Pershing Square is pulling the plug on its US closed-end fund IPO. Of course, there were signs the end was near. On Tuesday it announced that the fund would raise just $2B… instead of the $25B originally discussed.

The Wall Street legend promises the change had nothing to do with investor interest… even though it most certainly did. Billy Finance said, “We will report back once we are ready to launch a revised transaction.” To which everyone replied, “No need…”

Oh, and…

+ Nancy Pelosi buys more Nvidia, sells Microsoft. *Copy-Paste trades*

+ Reddit’s CEO called out Microsoft for scraping data from Reddit in an interview with The Verge. Shots fired.

+ How to Calculate the Value of an MBA [Calculator]. This is why my kids are becoming plumbers…

+ Here’s how much athletes at the Paris Olympics earn for winning medals. Spoiler: it’s not worth spending 18 years of your life training to be the world’s third-best racewalker.

+ 5 Genius Hacks Amazon Shoppers Must Know (They Can't Stop You). Eat a d*ck, Bezos.

+ Why orange juice is so expensive. Bout to rewatch ‘Trading Places’…

🔥 5 Types of Homes Expected To Plummet in Value by the End of 2025. I’ve got bad news for everyone living in a trailer park…

FYI, TWC might be compensated if you click on the links above. So, what are you waiting for? Start clicking.

⏪ Yesterday, Mastercard, T-Mobile, Boeing, KKR, ADP, GSK, Altria, Marriott, Kraft Heinz, DuPont, and Wingstop reported before the bell. Meta, Qualcomm, Arm, Aflac, Allstate, Carvana, MGM Resorts, and Etsy dropped earnings after the close. Plus we got the Fed’s rate decision.

⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…

+ Toyota, Shell, ABInBev, Ferrari, Roblox, Kellogg's, SiriusXM, Crocs, and Wayfair report before the open

+ Apple, Amazon, Intel, Coinbase, Block, DoorDash, Snap, DraftKings, and Roku release earnings after the close

+ Bank of England interest rate decision

+ Seaport Entertainment Group starts trading as its own company after being spun off from Howard Hughes

Yesterday, I asked, “If there was a shirt size called Extra Medium (so, XM), would it be SMALLER than a medium, or LARGER than a medium?”

81.1% of you went with larger.

Here’s what you guys had to say…

• Larger: “Stop trying to make my brain hurt”

• Smaller: “Shmedium”

• Larger: “Only two answers, both of which I do not like. Strong evidence of a "False Dichotomy" logical fallacy. I went with larger than a medium, because if anything is extra for a shirt, it would be material; however comma, the shirt size "medium" is as middle of the road for sizes as can possibly be. How would you feel if I called your newsletter "Super Average"? Would it be better than average, or worse, even though my evaluation of "Super Average" also defines it as "average". I love philosophical discussions like these. I'll bet you read all of every comment!” (Spoiler: he rated the newsletter "It was ok”)

• Larger: “Chose larger but I am really not sure. Too early for a mindfuck like that”

Here’s today’s question…

+ You hate to see it…

lendfriend

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Oh, and one more thing…

Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?

No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...

This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.