Hey there weekday warrior,
Today, we’re getting into Sam Altman’s $100M accusations, the NikeSkims’ delay, and the Lakers’ sale. But first...
In the June 19, 2019 edition of The Water Coolest, we discussed President Trump threatening to demote Fed Chair Jerome Powell if he didn’t cut interest rates…
Fast-forward to yesterday… and President Trump called (still) Fed Chair Jerome Powell “stupid.” Why? Because he expected Jay and the Fed not to cut interest rates. Spoiler: he was right.
Enjoy the next 4 minutes and 40 seconds of blue-chip news and commentary.
Keep on snapping necks and cashing checks,
PS, loving The Water Coolest? Forward it to someone who can’t wait to roll up to Casa Cipriani in a Waymo. If you CC me ([email protected]), I’ll send you both something special.
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Zuck’s assembling a team
Zuck hasn’t been this jealous since Eduardo got into the Phoenix Club, you guys…
According to Sam Altman, Meta $META ( ▼ 1.93% ) has been trying to poach OpenAI talent with $100M signing bonuses. That is not a typo… Karen from Meta HR is reportedly firing off 9-figure sign-ons on the reg.
To be fair… Sam Altman might be completely full of sh*t. How can I be so sure? Because he also said that “so far none of our best people have decided to take them up on that.” Imagine turning down the Silicon Valley equivalent of LIV Tour money…
Then again…
Zuckerbot is throwing money at AI initiatives, like a wealthy parent with limited capacity for love stemming from his/her own childhood trauma.
Exhibit A: Meta shelled out $14.3B for a 49% stake in Scale AI… mostly so he could convince the company’s founder Alexandr Wang to join his AI SEAL Team 6.
Earlier this month, news broke that Zuck’s personally recruiting a “Superintelligence AI” team… which might explain why no one took him up on that $100M offer.
Y tho?
Mostly because the Facebook-parent company is at risk of becoming the MySpace of the AI race. Last month Meta said it was delaying the roll-out of its newest flagship AI model, because, well, it kinda sucks…
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+ Tariffs are all fun and games until they start disrupting supply chains for the raw materials needed to produce some of our nation’s most important exports… like a bra made by Kim Kardashian that makes it look like you have pierced nipples.
On Wednesday, NikeSkims, which, as you might have guessed, is a collab between Nike $NKE ( ▲ 0.47% ) and Kim K’s shapewear brand, Skims, announced a delay in getting to market. The collection was originally expected to drop in “Spring 2025” (friendly reminder: there is literally one day left in Spring).
The reason? “Production delays”… which presumably means the engineers in Beaverton have been unable to architect patented, camel-toe cross-training gear, perfect for showcasing your labia at run club.
Shares of Nike dipped on the delay. Probably because Nike’s new-ish CEO Elliott Hill is betting that the deal helps spark a turnaround for the Swoosh.
+ Define ‘ROI’. Jerry Buss bought the LA Lakers in 1979 for $67.5M. Did I mention that deal also included the Kings (NHL) and the LA Forum?
Yesterday, his ungrateful offspring sold a majority stake in the team at a $10B valuation. That’s the biggest price tag for a US sports franchise… and it’s not particularly close.
Mark Walter, who also owns the Dodgers, Sparks, and the Cadillac F1 team, will take the reins from the Buss’.
+ Iran f*cked around. And now it’s finding out. Iran’s biggest crypto exchange (four words I never thought I’d write in that order…) reported a yuge hack yesterday. The pro-Israeli group that took credit for it stole (and burned) $90M. Yes, that means they effectively took $90M… and lit it on fire.
+ “How do you do fellow kids?” - Pope Leo
What’s that? You thought being Pope was all about making sure marriage is between a man and a woman and covering up decades of abuse in the Church? Think again. One of the new Pope’s highest priorities is… maintaining human dignity in the AI age. That is, of course, assuming you had some dignity to begin with…
+ Good news, crackheads of NYC… you have a new object to defecate on in public, thus further tarnishing the reputation of the once-great city. Google’s $GOOGL ( ▼ 3.85% ) Waymo applied for a permit to be the first company to operate autonomous vehicles on the streets of the Big Apple. For the time being, they’ll have drivers behind the wheel. But only until Waymo successfully lobbies to change state laws that prohibit driverless vehicles.
+ US stocks “were mixed on Wednesday, with the prospect of the US joining Israel-Iran hostilities keeping investors on edge as the Federal Reserve held interest rates steady while officials diverged over the ultimate path of interest rates this year.” (Yahoo! Finance)
+ The 10-year yield “was little changed Wednesday, following the Federal Reserve’s latest interest rate decision.” (CNBC)
+ Oil “prices settled higher on Wednesday in a volatile session as investors weighed the chance of supply disruptions from the Iran-Israel conflict and potential direct U.S. involvement.” (Reuters)
⏪ Yesterday…
+ The FOMC made its interest rate policy announcement, and J-Poww held a press conference
⏩ Today we’re keeping an eye on…
+ US markets are closed for Juneteenth
Yesterday, I asked, “Do you pay a fee for your credit card?”
58.8% of you said “Yep.”
Here’s what some of you guys had to say…
F*ck no: “Pay $795 to clip coupons for discounted meals? That’s not balling.”
Yep: “Yep. Amex platinum and American Airlines. NEED those points to keep status!”
F*ck no: “Technically I should, but they hhaven'tcaught that I'm not in the service anymore...”
Yep: “Yep. The points on my travel card are worth it, but why in the fuck would anyone agree to pay another fee on top of a 22% interest rate charge??”
F*ck no: “These card companies are screwing the world left and right…consumers pay a fee to have the card and then the stores pay a fee to let you use it there”
Here’s today’s question…
Would you rather be the Pope, the President of the United States, or dictator of North Korea?
What’s the ticker? Asking for a friend…
Oh, and one more thing…
What did you think about today's newsletter?
Sent from my Trump T1 Phone. Please excuse any mistakes and typos.
Does this look like the face of a guy you should take financial advice from?
No, it’s the face of an individual who is financially irresponsible/dumb enough to be talked into spending money on a family photo shoot that he could have just done with his iPhone. So, act accordingly...
This is not financial advice. Nothing in this newsletter is an investment recommendation. All content is created for entertainment, educational, or informational purposes only. Do your own research, or do yourself a favor and hire a professional.